Just different

We are doing a couple's study for the summer and the study is called Love and Respect. In this DVD presentation, Emerson Eggerrichs explains how men and women think differently, talk differently and have different needs.

"She has a need that you don't have. Is that ok? It's not wrong, just different."

As he talks about the differences, giving us examples and stories of illustration, he keeps going back to this...not wrong, just different.

Judgment is a subtle thing. We judge everything in our world, as we pick out fruits at the grocery store, choose car insurance, decide who to call with a problem, choose our words with our friends and co-workers, we are constantly making judgments: good or bad, right or wrong, appropriate or dangerous. Judgment and discernment are important, valuable, essential tools that we need to survive. Women, especially, try to figure people out--What did he mean by that? What will she think of me if I tell her this?

And without even realize that we are being judgmental, we are being judgmental.

Maybe I should restate--I am being judgmental.

And even with my understanding of male and female differences now that I am becoming a Love and Respect expect here (ha! I'm joking!) I cannot assume that I know someone's motives. I need to ask to find that out because we are all different.

Not wrong, just different.

Father, in so many areas, I find my self softening, being more gentle and open to other's concerns and needs, but I am not yet where I need to be, where I want to be. Help me see others through Your eyes of mercy and grace and not take offense, but ask questions and assume always, until unmistakably sure, that the person I am dealing with is good willed. Let me voice that assumption of good will in all my questions. And when I show mercy and am unsure what I will get in return, remind me that over all, I can trust You.

Shout for Joy

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.

Worship the LORD with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is He who made us, and we are His;
We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise;
Give thanks to Him and praise His name.
For the LORD is good
And His love endures forever;
His faithfulness continues through all generations.
--Psalm 100

Father God, You are mighty and eternal
You created the world with Your breath
You formed the cosmos, placing the stars in the sky.
Yet You who made the heavens
And the earth Your foot stool,
Stepped down to us
As a mother stoops to pick up her babe,
As a father kneels down to romp with his children
You came to comfort us
To care for us
To do for us what we could never do for ourselves.
You, the High and Holy God,
Came to us lowly broken people!
You are our God, our Hero
And the Lover of our soul.

All we have is a gift from You!
I confess in my self-centeredness,
I have thought it was mine!
My house, my car, my children, my job, my money, even my rights!
But it is not! It is all Yours!
Things that You delighted to give me!
As a father fills his pockets with surprises for his little ones,
As a mother searches stores for treasures for her children,
Father, You own the treasures of the universe
And it is Your pleasure to give us good things.
But You give gifts for a purpose, if we would hear You and be grateful.

Allow me to see You as You really are!
Open my eyes that I would not see You as a God of my own making,
A God who says what I want to hear
A God who does what I want Him to do!
Allow me to see You in truth!
Your perfect will brings me peace and joy.
Allow me to surrender all to You
So that You can be my everything!

All creation worships You, Lord!
I long to add my voice to that song!
Let me not only worship You with my voice
But help me to obey Your truth
Lead all of me to worship You
A living sacrifice of obedience
Holy and pleasing to You—
Let this be my spiritual act of worship.

Not because I want You to love me.
You already love me.
Indeed Your love has cleansed me,
Made me without spot,
Perfectly beautiful, You present me,
Covered in Your atoning Blood.

We are Your bride, Holy and beloved.
How right we are to adore You!
You are glorious, our Beloved, our King!
You are the King of all kings, Ruler of the nations!
And yet You love me!

You have filled my heart with wonder so that I would always remember
That I was made for this...

I was made to worship
I was called to love
I am forgiven and free
When I embrace surrender
When I choose to believe
Then I will see who You have made me to be!

53 Days with Esther

It's Tough Being a Woman -- how true that is! Beth Moore's study was an amazing journey, mixed in with the twists and turns of my life. When I started on February 2, I was looking for work, agonizing with Al as he mourned the loss of his company and job, anxious and impatient about what the future would hold. As I poured through the scriptures and savored Beth's study, I have received wisdom and a measure of healing. Here's the pearls from the workbook and my heart that I wanted to record...

2/05/09 Father, You are in the process of writing Your story in and with my life. I long to turn to the back of the book but You reach for my hand. With romance and wonder I understand. You long to allow it to unfold slowly as we walk the road together...

"Have you ever had an associate who, rather than helping you calm down and think clearly, fanned the flame on your fiery emotions and ended up talking you into double the trouble?" Good friends help each other calm down. They empathize with the emotions, staying calm themselves. They encourage waiting until emotions stop flowing strongly before taking any actions. "I considered afresh how much power of persuasion --both positive and negative--the woman of the house can have...Sometimes I may want peace badly enough to advise my loved one to do something swift buy not necessarily wise."

"We too can become so steeped in our culture that we are almost indistinguishable from the world. We too can lose our sense of identity and forget who we are ... not so we can be obnoxious but so we can be influential." The beauty treatment for us as godly women is to come into His presence. His presence transforms us at the heart source and makes us truly beautiful, with a beauty that never fades.

"Oh, the favor that can come our way...through our simple willingness to follow instructions, ... respect authority... [not be] insulted by instruction ... practice the art of truly listening ... follow through by doing what [we're] asked...If long-term persistence doesn't win the favor of an earthly supervisor, trust the God who sees and who is by no means limited to one channel of favor toward you."

"God created time and no human can take it from Him or use it against Him. Time is significant to God mostly because His children who are temporarily bound by its tenets are significant to Him." Time and my future is in Your hands and this is a beautiful thing. Remind me to embrace it and see its peace and joy. "God never takes His eyes off us or off the clock ticking over us...God always trumps Satan."

If you would stay close to Me, obey My word, then I can use you to brighten your corner of the vineyard. Hear Me with a heart to obey. This could not be all about Esther or any woman even if she be queen!! This could be, should be, must be all about You, my Beloved. Your power, Your mercy, Your Provision, Your love. I must believe in You, point to You. That's all.

"Right now you are representing the King on official business in another land, but you are no less royal than the Queen of England would be if she visited the ... Bronx. She is queen regardless of where she is and how she is treated. Her status is secure. So is yours." We too are queen, beloved of the King. Put on your royal robes to approach Him and accept His favor, approval, welcome and grace.

"Sometimes just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best and at those times God is not ashamed of our performance. He's proud of us for fighting overwhelming emotions to do His will. God isn't interested in our stellar performance, but in our hearts...Sometimes people advise us to do instantly what can only be done gradually"

"Any time God calls us to die, His purpose is to reveal larger life."

Lord, I wanted to be recognized and promoted. I told you over and over that I recognized you and would promote you in due time. You needed to be healed of this. I was not punishing you from some great sin, I was healing you, then I was protecting you. I love you. I get it. Trust Me. Look to Me alone. What I desired I needed to receive from You alone. I desired to be loved best by the king, but the King of Kings does love me with an everlasting love. "In the shelter of the Most High we find our significance and the only satisfaction of our insatiable need to be noticed. There and there alone are we free to be neither depressed or impressed with the capricious reactions of this carnal world...Christ says I'm already great enough for both of us, Just follow Me."

This desire to be recognized and promoted, to succeed at what people desire from me and not what You desire of me is sin. It is not to be prayed for, but to be prayed against; to be confessed and repented of, to be release from. Forgive me, Beloved! Heal me, restore me! Do not let me forget that it is You alone who is my Everything.

I will exalt You, O Lord, for You have lifted me up and gave me a new job,

and did not let my enemies gloat over me. O Lord, my God, I called to You for help and You healed me and gave me even a boss to encourage me in my recovery from codependency

O Lord, You brought me up from the grave and spared me from being used by men instead of by You alone, where You will empower me and bless me.

You turned my wailing into dancing; You removed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness and new pants---on sale yet!

that my heart may sing to You and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give You praise forever. Amen! --Psalm 30:1-3,11-12.

Thank You, Jesus! By Your mercy and grace I find myself here---unpredictable and unworthy; help me be an instrument of Your peace, love, joy and mercy. Beloved You intended me to come to this place to minister to these people in a way that would be healing to me too. As I continue in that walk, I urgently ask You to give me the grace and peace to love them as You do, as only You can, that they could see and feel Your love through me. Beloved Jesus, I need You more than ever! Be my Everything!

"Repentance is not your punishment. It is your glorious right of daughter-ship. Your invitation to restoration...Much carnage can take place between crisis and crown. In Christ, however, all's well that ends well because He emphatically does all things well."

I do not expect you to be perfect, baby. I expect you to be contrite. There are indeed too many voices. You need to hear Mine. You need to get your orders from Me alone. 3/28/09

Fireproof Your Relationships

Statistics tell us that in America, about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  We can see that in our neighborhoods, at work, in our extended families  The church is not exempt from this trend.  Those of us who have committed their lives to Jesus know that divorce is not His desire for us, and yet, it is often the reality.  Even for those of us who remain in marriages, many are emotionally broken, or even dead. 

Recently, a movie was released called Fireproof.  In this movie, Curt Cameron portrays a fire captain.  At work, inside burning buildings, he lives by the old firefighter's adage: Never leave your partner behind. At home, in the cooling embers of his marriage, he lives by his own rules. Regular arguments with his wife over jobs, finances, housework, and outside interests have readied them both to consider divorce. However, God has other plans.   In this outstanding drama we witness a transformation and restoration that only God can orchestrate.  

All are invited to join us as we watch Fireproof movie clips, study the scriptures and discuss thought-provoking questions that will challenge us to grow spiritually and strengthen our relationships.

Whether you are married, engaged, or have struggled through a separation, or have been affected by a divorce in your home, whether you come as a couple or alone, you will be encouraged to find that Christ and His love can make a significant positive difference in your relationships. 

Classes begin Wednesdays, 7:30 - 9 p.m., March 25 and continue through May 20.  Meet us at Montclair Community Church.

and if I perish...

Two weeks into my new job, I am still meeting residents who look at me with surprise.

"You're new.  What happened to the last woman? There has been so many!"

I love the ones who tell me, "No one in this position lasts very long.  How long do you intend to stay?"

Ok, so I replaced the last woman, who must have had the job less than three months.  The woman before her was temporary.  And ultimately, we are not employees of the building association; we are really employed by a contracted property management firm.  The nature of the thing is transitory.  

I must admit, this was unnerving to me at first, me the girl who before my last job, had been employed no less then a decade at the last two places.  I am a Ruglio, truly--- and Ruglios hate change.  I was not looking for a temporary situation.  I don't want to keep changing jobs.  

But isn't this whole life transitory?  I am just an alien anyway in a strange land, far from my real home.

Right now I am studying the book of Esther with Beth Moore.  Beth made the point that Esther trusted God with her difficult decision to go in to see the King.  She could have been killed.  She prayed and fasted, and then did what she had to do.  She knew there were no guarantees.  But that did not stop her.  Her testimony was: And if I perish, I perish.

Like Esther, I prayed and asked others to pray for me.  In the end, I did what God instructed me.  I talked to Him about my reservations, and He gave me no guarentees.  Only the promise of His love and His presence.  

Two weeks in, I am more certain than ever that He has been guiding me.  I do not totally understand.  But I do believe.  I do trust Him.  No matter how this turns out.

He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  -- Romans 8:32

just manage the property

The Master said, "Let me ask you: Who is the dependable manager, full of common sense, that the master puts in charge of his staff to feed them well and on time? He is a blessed man if when the master shows up he's doing his job. But if he says to himself, 'The master is certainly taking his time,' begins maltreating the servants and maids, throws parties for his friends, and gets drunk, the master will walk in when he least expects it, give him the thrashing of his life, and put him back in the kitchen peeling potatoes. -- Luke 12:42-46 The Message

My new job -- and yes! I have one! -- is the administrative assistant to the Property Manager of a high rise condo complex in Verona.  It is not my dream job, but I have come to a peace that I need to be grateful for a job, and I am trusting that God is in this and plans to allow me to minister there.  But in a big way, I expect He is teaching me something important.

The book I just finished reading was Saturdays with Stella, and in a chapter entitled "Yours, Mine, and... Well, Mine - Leave It," Allison is teaching her dog, Stella, the command "leave it." The God-related concept is that everything belongs to God-- everything!  We need to trust Him in what He gives and in what He withholds from us.  

Allison writes, "I'm not teaching Stella to 'leave it' simply to delay inevitable gratification. The key to the behavior is to break the fixation.  No dog ever truely obeys this command until she completely walks away from whatever was being denied... I want Stella to know that no distraction is worth disobedience.... I don't want her to feel pampered; I want her to feel safe.  She doesn't need to be indulged; she needs to be loved.  I don't meet her demands; I anticipate her needs."

In this position I have now, there is no question about my ownership.  I am the assistant to the property manager, and even she is not the owner.  The people who own the condos, they are the owners.  We simply carry out their plans.  We are managers.  We are stewards.

God is showing me that nothing that I think I "own" is, in fact, mine.  It's all His.  My house, my beach cottage, my car, my new job, the clothes in my closet, the food in my refrigerator, even my children and my husband--all are His that He has given freely.  All are His to take away.  He doesn't give because I am good and take away because I am bad or He is mean.  He is concerned about my being safe, being loved, caring for my true needs.

Father, help me see the difference between being a dependable manager and trying to be "master of the universe." Heal me of this sin.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praise. -- Job 1:21

Doctor's Orders - Settle!

So I've had this pain in my leg. It took a week of the pain getting worse and worse before I finally decided to find a chiropractor. Turns out the pain in my left leg was caused by a pinched nerve in my spine and a sore muscle in my right (you know) and the prescription for that is several visits per week to the chiropractor and warm baths.

The interesting part is that the first adjustment was preceded by the doctor putting me on the table, face down, with my head in the gully-type thing, and my arms handing down under the table, and four warm, vibrating discs on my lower back. And I had to lay there, still, for about 16 minutes.

Ok, so this is how silly I am...I was not sure I could do this. Lay still for that long. What could I do while I was waiting? I could not read, sort my grocery coupons, text my kids on my cell phone, watch some silly TV show, or even talk to anyone as the doctor left me alone in the room with the hum of the vibrator. I mean, it was really difficult to just lay still and allow someone else to do something for me to begin the healing for my pain. And stay still for 16 whole minutes.

God is so good! To allow me to hurt my leg in order for me to get this!

I started reading this cool book entitled Saturdays with Stella by Allison Pittman. It is about how taking her dog, Stella, to dog obedience school helped her understand what it meant to follow her Master. The first lesson was "Settle" where Stella (and Allison) learned to settle down and enjoy the Master's love. How I needed this lesson too!

I agree, "there is something scary in so much stillness." Like being still must mean I do not have something important to do, so I am not important. Or that my Master might have something to tell me that I might not want to hear. I need to trust that my Master loves me! That anything He would say to me would be life, truth, joy and blessing. That nothing I have to do is more important than enjoying His presence. I need to stop pulling away. To surrender. To totally rest in that. To be able to be--no, to delight in being still and in His presence.

And as I take warm baths, because I am in pain and I have to, and as I lay in the doctors office, still for 16 whole minutes, because I am in pain and I have to, I have learned to enjoy being settled.

Thank You, Master, my Beloved, for holding me down. Too bad it had to come to this, but whatever it takes.

He will quiet you in His love. Zephaniah 3:17